It doesn’t matter who you are or what situation you encounter…There are only 2 options to move forward in life.
Be a victim and feel sorry for yourself, want others’ to pity you, and live in unhappiness… We all go through this stage at some point because it is a human emotion to want others’ to see your point and give you some validation. But to live your life as a victim is to live a life of no power, no pride, and no reason. You must find the strength inside yourself to claim who you really are/want to be. Which will bring you to the second option…
Be a leader…Take ownership of your life and actions, strive to move forward because you are determined to make life happen for you (not to you), and find the positive in each day. You are the only permanent player in your game of life…everyone else comes and goes, but you are always there. So be present and take charge of everything that comes into your realm.
Understand that your thoughts control your emotions, your emotions control your actions, and your actions create more thoughts… So you have the power to consciously think about how you want to feel about everything that happens to you in everyday situations — YOU HAVE THAT POWER — Your actions follow your thoughts.
Holding onto thoughts of fear, guilt, and resentment gives you negative feelings for the day … and so you will act sad, desperate, and angry towards everyone/everything that comes into your life. When you treat people with the anger and fear, they will respond to you with the same emotions… you literally have invited them to treat you that way. And if you live each day with anger, fear, and desperation…then you will begin to only attract the same quality of people/situations into you life.
The answer is to change your thoughts…change how you think about a person or situation. Find even the smallest positive aspect and build on it. If you practice finding something good, it will become a habit and you will naturally begin to see how everything works out for your benefit. You will think positive thoughts, feel good emotions, and act in a way that encourages only positive people into your life. Decide right now to be the leader of your life and not a victim.
Everyone has their own past…their own demons, experiences, and burdens to work through. And no matter how much you think you know a person…you just DON’T!!! You don’t even really know the true feelings of your siblings…you may have experienced the same event but still have 2 totally different emotions about it. You can’t know what they think or feel…and even if they tell you a story, you just don’t know how deeply it affected them.
So stop playing the blame game, because everyone is seriously doing the best they can at every given moment… your pain is yours and yours alone…so deal with it instead of hiding from it and blaming others’ for it. Don’t be afraid to get to know the real you. It’s not your parents’ fault that you are now an angry adult… if you know you’re angry, figure out why and change. It’s not your boss’ fault that you hate your job… figure out why you hate it, or find a job you love. It’s not your ex’s fault that you have trust issues…they are your feelings so deal with them. The government isn’t the root of your misery… it’s your own thoughts about the government that makes your own misery.
Your past is unique to you, as is the past of everyone else in this world. So deal with the feelings that you have for your past experiences. Look in the mirror and truly see yourself…if you are angry at someone, then you really are angry with yourself. If someone/something offends you, figure out why it bruised your ego (I allowed myself to get offended the other day, over something that was said as a joke. When I stopped to think about it, I realized that it stung because I really didn’t think I was smart enough for the things we were doing…So I changed the way I felt about myself. I realize I may not know everything, but I am willing to learn…and that is good enough). If you you are jealous, it’s because of something that you think you are lacking. If you think he/she didn’t really love you, then you really didn’t love them (maybe you were just in love with the idea of being in love), If you dislike a quality in someone, truly think about that quality in yourself. Stop blaming other people for your life situations, take control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and understand how your past has affected you so that you can make positive changes to create happiness in your future.
In all honesty, everyone (your parents, your neighbors, your co-workers, your spouse, etc…) is loving you the best that they know how in that present moment of their lives. And as my very wise friend told me … “if you praised someone and considered them your equal, but today you are trash talking them…then you are really trash talking yourself.” So take the time to think about your feelings and understand what they mean to you…and stop projecting them onto other people. Your thoughts, feelings, actions, and future are your responsibility…take charge of them and make it a happy life.
A very wise lady told me to stop trying so hard to be spiritual. She said that every step that I take in everyday life should be sacred. This swam around in my brain for a year, liking the words but never fully understanding the meaning.
Then I came across a book, Dying to be Me by Anita Moorjani…and the quote on the cover grabbed me and held on…”I had the choice to come back…or not. I chose to return when I realized that ‘heaven’ is a state, not a place…”
Now I understood… I create my world, my state of mind, my experiences… I create it through everything I think and feel and say, every step I take, and how I perceive myself. I create my happiness and/or sadness by the way I chose to interact with a situation. I create my health by how I allow the world to affect me and manifest inside my body. I attract the positive things in life by my appreciation for what I already have.
LOVE is the key… everything I do, feel, say, and think should be done with the intent of unconditional love…every step I take should be sacred…everything I do should start from love. The unconditional love of acceptance, tolerance, understanding, forgiveness, respect…We are all a part of the higher power, we just need to tap into it, allow it to guide us, and live in that state of heaven. Tap into your soul and follow your heart… learn to cast aside the situations that don’t bring you happiness. If a thought or situation make you feel uncomfortable (angry, frustrated, jealous, etc…), then just leave it…stop thinking about it, stop talking about it, stop being involved with it. Occupy your mind and time with something that brings you positive feeling… feelings of happiness, contentedness, excitement, etc… Heaven is within our souls, and every step we take in life should come from this sacred place.
I have allowed myself to be ruled by my emotions for most of my life…As a kid, they give me an excuse that I am just learning right from wrong and how to control myself. As a teenager, they say that it’s all hormones. And as an adult, I was always convinced that I was that way because I was a woman, and I was a Pisces, and I was an artist. And to further complicate things…I was told that my emotions were a bad thing. I was convinced that I could never be good enough because I was too sensitive. The more I struggled with my emotions, the more they ruled me…and the more my emotions ruled me, the more I struggled with them…and the ugly cycle continued.
Then I was pushed down this path to really understand who I am …and that includes understanding my emotions and the role they play in my life. I have realized that I am only human…and emotions are part of the human experience. I have learned to respect my emotions by validating that they exist and understanding why they have surfaced. I no longer push them aside and let them fester until they explode. I feel them, think about why they arose, and learn from that situation. I don’t wallow in them or allow them to change my mood, day, or life. Yes, I get angry and I may even take a harsh tone…but then I think about why I’m angry (or hurt, frustrated, jealous, nervous, etc…)and I take the appropriate action to bring myself back to a happy mood. I may decide to talk to someone, or journal about it, or apologize, or to just give it up to the angels…but the point is that I felt my emotion and I allowed it to teach me a lesson. I didn’t obsessively think about my feeling all day and allow it to rule my thoughts and actions.
I now find my emotions to be a beautiful part of my life. I love to feel…just feel. The good vibes are sweeter and the bad parts pass by more quickly with greater ease. I no longer feel trapped in a world ruled by my obsessive emotions. I now partner with them and allow myself to feel deeply, think rationally, and act in appropriate ways. Unfortunate things still occur, but I have learned to accept them and find a strand of good so I can start to heal and be happy. Find peace by learning to love yourself and everything that you are…when you find that place of acceptance and peace, then everything will fall into place. So my advice is to slow down and really be willing to see yourself. When you find yourself in an emotional place…take the time to feel and think about it. Take the time to get to know yourself just as you would get to know a new friend…Because YOU should be your best friend.
Start changing the world by changing your life…how you see things, how you feel, and what you choose to say. Only you have control over your own thoughts, feelings, words, and actions… So make then count in a positive way to work towards your happiness. Your Grandma’s old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”, is more than just her telling you to be nice to people…It’s giving you the secret to your own personal happiness, and how to change your little part of your world. If we all changed our little part of the world…then it becomes a large section, and soon takes over as the majority. The vibe that you put out to the world always breeds and surrounds you. If you emit a presence of tolerance, acceptance, and inner-peace…then those things will multiply and become the majority of your little world. If you choose to emit intolerance, hate, and mis-representation… then that is what is going to fill your life and continue to come back to you. I’m not saying to ignore things and turn the other cheek…I’m telling you to speak your truth in a positive way…and then trust the outcome and look for the good. You will never have the need to feel a long lasting disappointment/anger/frustration if you find the positive, accept the situation, and trust the future.
And while you are reading this, if you find yourself saying…But my opinion matters, I can’t just sit back and not say anything, they shouldn’t get away with this, people need to know, I have the right… My reply is…Yes, your opinion matters to you. It may not be the opinion of others’ so you should not try to force it onto them… Yes, you CAN sit back and not say anything, try it (it’s peaceful). But if you feel you must say something, stick to the truth/facts… Yes, life seems unfair when people get away with what we feel is an injustice, so look for the good that will come out of that situation… Yes, people have the right to know the truth, so stick with the facts and not opinions and feelings… Yes, you have the privilege of rights, and along with that privilege comes the responsibility of listening to your moral compass and leaving this world a better place for the next generation. If you concentrate on the wrong and the bad…you will create more of what is wrong and bad. If you concentrate on what is right and good…you will attract more of what is right and good. Hate breeds hate and love breeds love. You can’t stop war with more war…you can only stop war with peace. So when you speak out for what you believe in, do it with positive words about your cause and not negativity about what you don’t want.