Change is inevitable when you are learning and growing…

Have you ever had someone look at you with disgust and blame you for the failed relationship…Their reason being “You’ve Changed”?  Well I have too.  At first I was very insulted, my thoughts were “How could they be blaming me, I’m a good person.  They’re the one who betrayed me!”  But the truth is, I did change.  I’m learning and growing and seeking a better happiness.  I am now traveling down a road of discovering my soul.

In any relationship, you try to find a mate who shares your same values, goals, and beliefs.  Many times you don’t factor in learning and growing and changing.  Who thinks of those things when they are young and in love?!?!  Society tells us to get married and raise a family…So often times we hurry to do just that.  We ignore our instincts and our own goals in life so that we can conform to society and try for “The American Dream”  What if that dream isn’t your dream?  What if you want to live a little and discover who you are first before you find the perfect person to settle into life with?

I was a pleaser…but it was more than that…I also had little self confidence and I was afraid… I was afraid of disappointing my parents, I was afraid I couldn’t make it on my own, and I was afraid that I wasn’t good enough to find love.  So I latched on to “The American Dream”.  I don’t regret that decision.  That is exactly what I needed to do at that time in my life… But here’s what happened…

I got out in the real world and I started to grow.  Little by little, each year, I got more confidence in who I was.  So yes, I changed!!!  I no longer was that shy little girl who agreed with everything said, just to avoid an argument.  I no longer went off and cried in the corner instead of sticking up for myself.  I was no longer willing to sacrifice my happiness for the illusion of love.  I learned, I grew, and I changed…and now I have found the beauty in who I am and the life I choose to live.

So remember, there is no blame…there is only change.  If you want to be happy, you will embrace the change and grow from it.  Life gives you exactly what you need at that point in your life…Be grateful and learn to evolve it into your own happiness.

The one thing that I have learned to love about the people in my life, is that they are always making me think and helping me to revise my ideas and grow as a person.  My good friend just made a casual statement to me the other day…It was something to the effect of…You’re allowed to dislike your ex-husband for what he did to you.  Now, at the time that he left me, I was very upset.  I felt betrayed, used, and replaced.  I felt like my whole world was crashing down.  I couldn’t even go through a normal day without breaking down in tears at least half a dozen times.  The way he ended our marriage was not in a very desirable way.  But just because it wasn’t the way that I would’ve deemed appropriate, doesn’t make it a slam against me.  To be honest, I was unhappy too…I just denied it to the rest of the world.  And the truth is, I wouldn’t have left my marriage until my kids were grown.  My children and my family were the most important things to me.  So I can look back now and say that my ex-husband did what he had to do for his own happiness.  I don’t approve in the way that he did it, but I accept that he was true to the person that he is and did what he had to do for himself.

And here is my lesson…You don’t have to like everyone.  You don’t have to approve of their thoughts and actions.  But you should strive to accept everyone for exactly who they are.  I can now look back on that time and say that I now understand who my ex-husband is and I accept what has become of our relationship.  So in reply to my friend I say…The only thing my ex-husband did to me was SET ME FREE.  I am very grateful for my chance to now love and accept myself for exactly who I am.